Friday, September 18, 2015


Wednesday marked six weeks that we've officially kept a tiny human alive. That in and of itself, is an accomplishment in my book.

Motherhood is wonderful and uplifting and unimaginably fulfilling. It makes you think twice about the way you're living your life because you want to be the best person you can be for your child. It's also demanding and exhausting and downright hard sometimes.

Everyone tells me I just have to get through the first couple of months. That it will get better. Well, that's what everyone told me with pregnancy too. You just have to get through it and it will get better. I may be signing up for the worst mother of the year award by saying this, but there are times when I just wish he were a little older. That he could interact with us a little more. That he would sleep more than 1-2 hour stretches at night. That his little digestive system would mature so he wasn't quite so fussy all the time. But I don't want to turn my son's precious first few months on earth into something that I just have to "get through." I want to enjoy him while he's still tiny. I want to savor the moments when he looks to me to meet every need and calm every discomfort. I want to look forward to those exhausting waking hours of the night when it's just him and I forming a bond that only a mother and child could share. I want to be stuck on the couch while the laundry is piling up and the dishes need to be done because he fell asleep in my arms and my only priority is to memorize every little line and curve of his perfect sleeping face.

When all is said and done, the house can wait. My time right now doesn't need to be spent worrying about cooking a perfect meal every night, or having a spotless living room, or getting back into great shape right away. My time needs to be spent enjoying every moment with my son. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Because time has a way of stealing from us the moments we hold most dear. So I'm going to savor them while I can. And next time my little guy starts crying inconsolably and my mind is foggy from lack of sleep I'm going to hold him close and smile, because I'm lucky to be holding the best gift I've ever been given.

Some days I still feel sentimental about the times when responsibilities didn't involve keeping a tiny, helpless human alive and I didn't have to worry about having time and energy to wash my hair more than once a week. But most days I'm in awe of how he's drastically changed our lives in the best way possible. We joke about how, when he's older, he should thank me for all of the things I had to go through to get him here, but in reality I should be thanking him, because without him, my ordinary little life wouldn't feel quite so extraordinarily complete.

Saturday, September 5, 2015

1 Month

Age: 1 month

Weight/Length: Not sure right now, we'll find out Wednesday, but he definitely isn't the skinny little baby we brought home from the hospital anymore!

Size: Still fitting some newborn but growing nicely into 0-3 months.

Diapers: Just moved to size 1 yesterday! Still a little big on him though..

Eyes: Dark greyish blue

Hair: Dark brown

Sleeping: Horrible. His digestive system is out of wack so he has stomach pain a lot of the time and this makes it hard for him to sleep. He's still up every hour or two at night and I'm up with him for 45 minutes to an hour each time(hello sleep deprivation). He takes little 15-20 minute naps during the day and is awake crying and screaming most of the evening(save me please). The only thing that will calm him down for a few minutes is bouncing with him on an exercise ball.

Eating: Pretty good when his stomach isn't bothering him. When it is, he squirms and writhes around like crazy while trying to nurse. Needless to say, we're both in pain.

Loves: Bouncing, music, gripe water, his pacifier, being swaddled, his rock n' play, tummy time, bold patterns

Hates: Getting dressed/getting his diaper changed, sudden loud noises(dog barking, Ryan sneezing(haha), etc.), stomach pain!